Back to work

Just a quick update to let everyone know I survived my first day back at work.

I think I've mentioned before that I'm a crier. Happy, sad, proud, relief--many emotions evoke tears from me. So last night and this morning I cried and cried. I told Adam I didn't know how or when it was ever going to stop. I thought maybe I'd stop when I climbed into the shower. Nope. At least not right away. I was starting to tear up again when I thought of my Mom and heard her concerned yet stern voice: "You're going to make yourself sick!" She used to tell me this when I would cry for a long time (I've been racking my brain all day trying to remember what ever made me cry like this and can't remember. Weird.). And it was true: I'd exhaust myself and would often get sick shortly thereafter. Remembering that admonishment from my mother helped me settle myself. That, and imagining that my tears were using up all the liquid I need to make milk for Oscar!

Folks at work welcomed me back warmly and enthusiastically. I spent most of the day going through email and vmail. Adam brought Oscar by to nurse at 11:45 a.m. The little rascal wouldn't take much milk from a bottle at home; he also really struggled nursing. He did much better taking a bottle from Adam for the afternoon feeding. They walked in to pick me up from work just after 5:30 p.m. and we all walked home together, with a trip to the store on the way. Lovely.

Once home, I nursed Oscar while Adam made an incredible dinner of wilted spinach salad with all kinds of goodies in it and an equally yummy side of squash & onion sauté.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words, thoughts and support to both Adam and me as we faced and now are making this transition. It helps.

Rattle update

Oscar's pediatrician assured us today that his lungs are clear and that his rattle is just saliva that sort of collects in his throat because he's a juicy little boy who doesn't yet know how to clear his throat. Whew.

For rattle-free bedtime, we can elevate the head of his bed a little and/or use a humidifier. Will try either/both of those things if the rattle continues.

Touch and go

I've been touch and go today because I go back to work tomorrow. For some of the day I've been necessarily oblivious to the fact. Tomorrow morning may not go smoothly at all as I haven't pumped in a couple of weeks and don't have a purse ready (I've been using the diaper bag as a purse for three months!). Other parts of the day, I've been struck by practical thoughts like, "do I have clean clothes to wear?" and "do we have food to make my lunch?" Much of the rest of my day has been spent mourning the end of this magical time we've spent together as a family and being grateful for my happy and healthy son and my incredible husband. Lots of tears and sighs, lots of time holding Oscar and playing with him, lots of sustaining hugs from Adam. A new chapter in our lives begins tomorrow. I'd better go get some sleep so I have a chance at starting off well.

Knotty boy

We've cut three knots out of the back of Oscar's hair. His hair thinned a little after he was born, especially up front, but he didn't really lose a lot of it. I know a lot of babies get bald spots on the backs of their heads from rubbing out their fine baby hair. Oscar likes to turn his head from side to side when he's tired, but his bald spot is going to be from us cutting out knots! Also, when he's nursing during the past few weeks, he will manage to get all four fingers in his hair with a pretty good grip.

Reunion

Oscar and I picked up Adam at the airport last night. It was a joyous reunion.


This morning we're so happy to be back together as a family in our house.

The fists

Oscar's discovered that his fists are part of him, conveniently located at the end of his arms, which he has enough control over now to slowly and steadily move them so the fists end up in his mouth. Satisfaction!

I keep trying to get a picture of him focusing on his fists, but he almost always becomes aware of the camera before I can get a shot of the profound concentration on his face. Here's the closest I've come:


Ambifistrous!


And just a happy baby shot:

Solo: Day 3

Today we hung around home almost all day.

Oscar's breathing has occasionally sounded a little ragged and I really started worrying about it today, so I called the doctor's office and spoke with an incredibly helpful, patient and kind nurse from Emanuel Hospital (the local pediatrician's office contracts with their nurse line on weekends or something like that). She asked a ton of questions and had me put the phone to Oscar's mouth a couple times so she could hear his breathing for 15 seconds. She also had me put my hand on his belly and count his breaths out loud to her, put him on his tummy for a few minutes to help clear congestion and then she had me make a saline solution and drop it into his nose and suction it out, all while she waited on the phone with me. He sounded better after all this and she told me to stay close to him (not a problem!) and listen to him throughout the night (I usually do this anyway). Tonight after nursing him and laying him down to sleep, his breathing sounded pretty rough. I carried him to the couch so I could recline with him on my chest and hopefully keep him asleep or at least from fully waking up. It worked really well. He's back in his bassinet, still sleeping and his breathing sounds perfectly clear. If he's rattly tomorrow morning, I'll take him in to the pediatrician office.

Our big outing today was to a barbecue at the Blairs'. Kobbi, Brian, Journey and Dixon were there, of course, as were Aaron and Alex, and Victoria. Beth even showed up a little later! When I put Oscar in his car seat to go to the bbq, he was pretty happy. He even cooed and laughed during the drive over. He's such a happy little guy. Once there, I left him in his car seat because he seemed perfectly content (and it was a little break for me to not hold him). He sat outside under a big tree, looking around and smiling at Journey and whomever else chatted with him. He was so mellow! We moved inside later and he even nursed and fell asleep. I thought he might be too distracted, but not so. It was really great to see everyone, be outside, eat a hamburger and fresh pineapple (not together), and watch Oscar starting to interact with others.


Oscar and me at the barbecue (thanks for the photo, Kobbi!)

Dixon, Journey and Oscar enjoy the barbecue in the Blairs' backyard.

The barbecue took a turn for the worse when Dixon (held by Kobbi) took a swing at Oscar (held by Vicki). The boys eventually settled down and enjoyed the rest of the evening.

Journey was very sweet with Oscar. She made a lot of arrangements so she could sit by him to eat her barbecue dinner.

So we didn't make it to the store for more disposable diapers. I think I have three or four to make it through the night and early morning. Wish me luck! The cloth diapers are in the clothes drier now; they need to be washed and dried twice more before they're ready to wear...could be tomorrow, though!

We pick Adam up at the airport around 8:45 p.m. tomorrow. Sigh. It will be wonderful to be together as a family again.